i have been on an ongoing mission to integrate my life.
to seek a form of psychological assimilation.*
to ultimately merge the distinct facets of my personality.
why?
i take pleasure in being uniquely me.
i experience a sense of freedom as i compose my own story.
as i understand how and why i personally do things,
i am able to leave constraints behind.
and embrace a unified version of myself.
what i like to call untethered integration.
but perhaps i take that concept a bit too far at times.
maybe too literally as well.
recently i came across a note i had written on march 5, 2012:
“feeling unsettled. i just don’t quite have a grasp on everything right now. too many details to pull into one cohesive whole.”
hmmm . . . you know what?
i still have too many DETAILS cluttering up my life!
and i’m still not always able to bring them to a COHESIVE WHOLE.
or get a GRASP on them.
does that mean i will be on this same quest forever?
i realize that no such thing as perfect unity exists.
that i needn’t tie up every single loose end i encounter.
because not all will conform to one circumscribed schema.**
in fact, some of that inherent messiness may possibly be what makes me interesting!
integrate? yes.
obsess? no.
life is about unrelenting discovery, unending exploration, unceasing experimentation.
the key, i believe, is to enjoy and learn from and revel in the process.
as much as i possibly can.
because that’s what’s truly important as i attempt to coalesce and fuse.
continuous action.
the process.
when i look at each anomaly in this light, it becomes not something for me to fight against.
not something to be anxious about.
but something to welcome and celebrate.
my awareness will be heightened.
as i digest the fact that some things simply will not fit in.
but the mysteries that arise may prove stimulating.
i must delight in that fact.
and cultivate it.
*psychological assimilation (as defined by Swiss psychologist Jean Piaget): taking new information or experiences and incorporating them into existing ideas.
**schema (again described by Piaget): an organized pattern of thought or behavior, a framework representing some aspect of the world.
as always, comments are welcome.
thanks for reading.
This website uses cookies so that we can provide you with the best user experience possible. Cookie information is stored in your browser and performs functions such as recognising you when you return to our website and helping our team to understand which sections of the website you find most interesting and useful.
You can adjust all of your cookie settings by navigating the tabs on the left hand side.
Great post April! It can be so hard to allow some loose ends and relax the pursuit of perfection. The pressure associated perfection however is a huge stressor – is it really worth the load?
i definitely used to lean on the side of perfectionism, caylie. and i’m a much freer, happier person since i realized the futility of that striving. i prefer the concept of integration instead. being consistent in my thoughts, my values, my actions, and ultimately my results – in a sense “organizing” all the dimensions of my personality into one congruent whole.
Thanks, April. I love this post! It fits so perfectly with what Eckhart Tolle says: Just go WITH the flow and do not paddle against it. It makes life so much brighter! 🙂
thank you, nathalie. 🙂 and that’s a great quote by eckhart!