RIFTs (or Random Ideas/Feelings/Thoughts)
it's been almost a year and a half since i began writing morning pages, one of julia cameron's suggested exercises in the artist's way. except for a two-week absence several months ago, i have written in my moleskin journals every day. (though not always in the morning.)
and, from time to time, i reread my words. i study them. attempting to glean insight and understanding. searching for introspective clues and patterns to my life.
mostly i'm struck by what i call RIFTs. Random Ideas/Feelings/Thoughts. that speak to me, that remind me, that move me. that connect to a bigger picture and to each other.
the other day i decided to write some of these RIFTs down. expressions or concepts that jumped off the page at me. particular phrases and sentences that stood out. separate pieces from different sections of my morning pages. telling a story about a cohesive whole. a life fully lived.
eleventh hour illumination.
i'd like to share my recently chosen RIFTs with you. (especially delightful for those who love lists like me!) perhaps these slivers of existence will give you pause to think. at the very least, as a fellow human being, they will probably sound familiar.
i believe physical and emotional setbacks feed off of each other.
writing satisfies my need for closure.
enjoy. relax. breathe. enjoy. relax. breathe.
i must struggle on against the tide.
lots of thoughts/emotions/judgments coming up.
DARK. in car by self. have already invented rescue plan.
anxiety settling in. that's how i feel. shaky and at odds with myself and the world.
i got a lot done, but still have mountains to move.
scary, unsettling day.
go go go. tend to feel rushed.
a very necessary debriefing has to take place first. a chance to unwind, get used to being alone with my thoughts. unseen unknown pressure nagging at my soul.
amazing how different people's perspectives are, how everyone comes at it from a different place.
i just had this "all is right with the world" feeling come over me. (move through me really.)
overwhelming sense of urgency today.
i need to make a scary decision . . . saying yes means not continuing to hide inside my comfort zone.
touching lives. women looking for answers.
scary, stressful, exciting, audacious. but moving forward. the most important thing of all.
"restless discontent, solitary turning inward." (maud casey)
here are all of my fears of the day . . . in black and white, ink on paper. trying to dispel them (or at least lessen them).
lusciously alone with myself, my thoughts, my ideas. comfortable with my own company.
couldn't make myself heard. didn't leave me feeling settled inside.
"delicious ambiguity." (gilda radner)
deep breath out. EXHALE.
such exquisite work. so very honored to have seen/tasted a glimpse of it.
just decided. with a feeling of finality.
it felt so perfect and the future seemed so bright. the experience proved to be anything but.
some of this silliness, this crazy love for life, this vivaciousness sinks in, makes things whole, helps when life gets too serious or sad to bear.
that felt good to write, to assimilate all of these feelings i carry around with me and brood over.
a planned perspective. to see/to track/to do/to progress/to motivate.
"tempest in a teacup": a disturbance or uproar about little or nothing.
nothing else to say. drank lots of coffee.
two synonyms for rift are interval and opening. "a space between things, points, limits." "an unobstructed or unoccupied space or place."
i think this awareness of the "space between" is rather zen-like. we are always attempting to fill the spaces, to cover them up. we don't like to leave openings, we resist new ways of thinking and being. because emptiness can be lonely, voids can be uncomfortable. have you been trying to fill your empty space? listen to what you're telling yourself in between.
you may just find enlightenment. ************** updates: ~sadly, my husband's grandmother (when things go wrong) passed away on may 27. she will be greatly missed. ~please check out my original poem: snippets of courage. ~and finally i invite you to view the thoughtful and insightful blog comments i've been receiving. i appreciate them so much, as they add both depth and breadth to each topic explored, continuing the conversation.
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