thought it would go gracefully

since returning from the states a month ago, i've been tending to dwell in a few dark places. (especially during my early-morning-i-should-be-asleep-but-am-totally-awake hours.) struggling a bit with loneliness, which is spilling over into questioning the trajectory of my path. at this point, i’m not sure exactly what i need to pull myself up and out of this overcast-sky feeling.

but i do think it’s okay to explore this emotional arena now and again, to allow the introspection to occur. darkness always gives my creativity a big boost, for whatever reason. i’m not getting a lot of tangible stuff done, but i’m writing a lot (which eventually leads to clarity for me). and despite feeling lonely, being alone seems appropriate too. (a good thing, since i've had no desire to go anywhere lately).

i am fully aware that i have created a wonderful life for myself, and i'm grateful for every one of those wonders each day. but you know, we all have rainy days. i wrote this poem at the height of my recent angst. still trying to make sense of a personal-world-shift that's almost two years old, yet seems quite toddler-new.     beauty pleases and it calms it can suffocate as well vibrant color, moving lips can’t explain, can’t get through always looking rarely finding

thought it would be easier thought it would be quicker thought it would go gracefully there’s only just a flicker a flicker of that life

much harder than imagined opening up new doors with intricate polished knobs ideas not yet thought of moments that need grasping

thought it would be easier thought it would be quicker thought it would go gracefully there’s only just a flicker a flicker that might be enough

some days joyous, even certain others curled in a ball smoothing edges shifting moods perseverance through the tears

thought it would be easier thought it would be quicker thought it would go gracefully there’s only just a flicker a flicker that keeps it going

at times the obvious darkness both appeals and it speaks occasionally, intentionally questions that will stretch me breaking through all the mystique

thought it would be easier thought it would be quicker thought it would go gracefully there’s only just a flicker a flicker that grows stronger

the light is seeping in and suddenly it’s clearing what felt like muddled thought clouds in the pinkish sky of morning dissipating, disappearing

thought it would be easier thought it would be quicker thought it would go gracefully there’s only just a flicker a flicker just beginning to burn my hand    

    "confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength."

~august wilson, american playwright     do YOU face down your dark side now and then?         tweet