not the me-i-want-to-be

"anger is pain's bodyguard" (david kessler)    

    i didn't start 2022 out very well though january 1 did begin with a bang it was because of something i'm not proud of

i lashed out on the very first day of the brand new year and i hurt other people

i attempted to apologize, to make it better

and they were gracious, kind, immediate in their forgiveness

but i was wrong and still feel badly about my outburst

i do believe my anger came from a unique place of pain and grief

i'd been mourning my mom and dad that brisk winter morning contemplating on the dawn of yet another year without them

but my in-the-moment reaction was the worst way to turn a fresh new page

you may not know this but i’ve struggled with anger in the past

after a long period of inner work i thought i was finally past those heated responses

choosing not to be that easily-enraged person anymore

and just like that i blew it finding myself losing my temper once again

i wish i could say i'd evolved a bit more but i'm not going to beat myself up

i did it, it's over and i made the best amends i possibly could

i just sincerely hope they know how truly sorry i am and how that honestly was not the me-i-want-to-be

to anyone who has ever been on the other side of my rage please accept my apology         tweet