always rise again
i’ve been feeling kind of down lately. and my depressive state reached something of a peak on monday of this week, coinciding with the recurrence of an especially uncomfortable samter’s triad symptom.
as i usually do when life feels difficult or overwhelming, i started journaling. i poured my heart out, rapidly moving my pen across page after page.
the next day i was flipping through a previous journal from 2020, trying to find a certain passage, and i grew more and more amazed at the words i’d written. different circumstances, different times — i was still living in italy and it was the height of the pandemic — but wow, were the sentiments similar to what i’d just written the day before! so many familiar words and phrases, describing my gloomy thoughts and emotions.
something else i noticed too . . . though some of the stuff i was dealing with at the time was completely different than the stuff i’m dealing with now, a lot was the same. these similar issues seemed beyond my control then, and remain that way today. i had to (have to) learn to cope with them in whatever way works best for me.
however, that 2020 journal gave me hope. because the things i did have some control over had been, to a large degree, resolved. i stepped in, stepped up, and took care of them!
we go through SO MUCH in our lifetimes. births and deaths, joys and heartaches. good health and bad, physical injuries and psychological turmoil.
as a mental health counselor and life & wellness coach for many years, i’ve witnessed varying degrees of anxiety and depression. and i’ve experienced both myself, though fortunately rarely at a debilitating level.
my first line of defense against my own overwhelming emotions? remembering that the opposite of depression is expression. i’m not sure when i first heard that saying (credited to dr. edith eger), but i wholeheartedly believe in it — the idea of expressing yourself in order to combat your depressive feelings.
talking, writing, creating art, dancing. engaging with music. walking or running or hiking. qigong, yoga. anything that helps transform heavy and complex emotions into something more tangible.
like concrete words or vibrant colors, unique choreography or heartfelt lyrics. an energizing stroll. crushing your fastest mile, reaching the summit. your favorite flow or pose.
focusing on an expressive activity shifts things in your brain, enough to gain a small burst of well-needed perspective. it gets the stuff that’s dragging you down out of your body. your feelings might actually feel heightened during the process, but it is within that process that healing can finally begin.
as i mentioned last week, one must feel to heal. i constantly remind myself of this mantra. i also try to keep in mind that, like that big beautiful sun out there, i will always rise again.
