an honest look back at the past 14 months
today, the 28th of december, marks 14 months i've lived in italy. as 2017 draws to a close. amidst the reflective somewhat-directionless period between the two winter holidays. the past couple of weeks have been slower-paced. time with family. time to think about the past year-plus of my life. to assess, appraise, and evaluate. it's been enlightening. there were, of course, the obvious changes. the ones i've talked about at length already. a new home, a new town, a new country, a new way of life. there were also farther-flung consequences that i personally set in motion. some that i'd anticipated, some i wasn't aware of until recently. and i realized something else. in the midst of all of these major transitions, i've actually been kind of numb. what you'd call an absentee automaton perhaps. reacting and responding to things as if operating in suspended slow-motion. somewhat removed. so much careful planning went into this decision to move, but now it feels almost impulsive. like i'm waking up from a year-long dream state and asking myself what exactly happened. i had a moment (or two) in the past few days of wanting to push back, to run away. to return to my old life, my familiar surroundings. what the hell did i know about the impact all of this would have? and not just on me. i considered all of the ramifications i could think of at the time, but there is no way i could anticipate every one. the good news is that things don't feel completely foreign to me anymore. they still feel overwhelming in some ways, however, since i "should" be acclimated and adjusted at this point. friends and acquaintances (both american and italian) are starting to ask me why i still can't speak the language after an entire year of immersion. i have become much better at understanding it, but i feel an added pressure to perform (which adversely - and severely - limits the slight ability i've managed to acquire). all i can say is i'm trying. i hope everyone remains as patient with me as they have been. it was a very long year that only a handful of people i know can imagine or appreciate. i moved far far away from my sons and my dad and my best friends. i moved abroad, to a country where i knew no one except my husband. i helped him renovate a house . . . very large, very old, and very cold (in temperature and hospitality). i started a brand-new offshoot of my existing business, knowing it would take awhile to ignite. i woke up each day with a new challenge (or six) to face. it's been incredibly difficult, the hardest thing i've ever decided to do. it still is, and it will continue to be.
it's also been incredibly amazing, filled with unique experiences and wonderful lasting memories. i am so grateful for the new friendships i have formed and for the outpouring of love and generosity that has been showered upon me. i am also very thankful for the opportunity to explore new environments and discover new delights. in just 4 days, a new year will begin. i will focus on my word, FLUENT, to guide me in the months to come. flowing like a river around (and through) the mountains in my way. dancing and shaking off my worries. generating and circulating energy throughout my being. creating magical moments. breathing. and becoming whole.
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THE ARRIVAL
TUSCANY, ITALY | MAY 20-25, 2018
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