3 obstacles to maintenance (and the art of recovery)
recovering from an eating disorder can be a long and lonely road. there may no longer be physical symptoms exhibited. but there may still be emotional barriers that interfere with healing. many are surprisingly universal. others are uniquely individual.
today i'd like to address three common roadblocks that i have witnessed:
the search for a new sense of self
the grief that accompanies the loss of the eating disorder
the tolerance necessary to bear difficult feelings
search often an eating disorder can make its sufferer feel special. sometimes the behaviors are seen as accomplishments in self-control. in this way, the person struggling may actually feel more powerful than others. the eating disorder has given them a reason to be noticed, to be out of the ordinary. proof that they are not average. and it may very well have made family members or friends pay attention. it is difficult to give this up. in reality though, there is often a bewildering lack of control. and an eating disorder becomes a crutch to hang onto. a "lifeline" which, in truth, is just the opposite.
grief the eating disorder can quickly become all-encompassing. therefore, it is not unusual to see the anorexia or bulimia as a familiar "friend." a constant companion. the only one who really understands the suffering. that is there to comfort and console the individual. going through recovery means entering the world of the unknown. and that means uncertainty and loss. time has slipped away as well. and sometimes the ability to function in a healthy way. grieving is a real and understandable part of saying goodbye to an eating disorder.
tolerance strong emotions can be frightening to experience. it can be hard to summon up the inner strength required. an eating disorder serves to help numb or mask these feelings. emotions may be suppressed while restricting food or bingeing on it. painful moments may be blocked by engaging in the mechanics of the disorder. unfortunately the "hurt" does not go away. it may be temporarily stymied, but must still be dealt with at some point. the problem eventually compounds on itself, with the addition of one more layer (the illness) that must be worked through. and sadly the positive emotions are also kept at bay.
many say that recovery from an eating disorder is rarely absolute. to that i say "what in life IS absolute?" here is how i like to view it.
as a supportive coach, i will take your hand. you, the intrepid explorer. and help you over the last mile of that emotional border. waving farewell to the final roots of your eating disorder. as you venture out into the rest of your amazing and fulfilling life.
i see this last piece of the recovery process as an art form. the sculpture of a new way of being. reached only through creativity, boldness, and love.
together we'll take your crumpled up masterpiece, that you thought would never measure up, that you tossed out with the trash. and we'll smooth it down and appreciate all of its rough drafts.
we'll recreate your life's work. as you spread your proverbial wings. so believe in what can be. despite the barriers in your way.
because there is hope. there is always hope if you are alive. and you are alive . . . Dance, when you're broken open. Dance, if you've torn the bandage off. Dance in the middle of the fighting. Dance in your blood. Dance, when you are perfectly free. (Rumi) this is part one of a two-week series. next week, part two. where i introduce ways you can approach these three obstacles. to maintain your recovery and live an integrated life. without anorexia. or bulimia. or binge eating. reactions or thoughts? please let me know. [maxbutton id="1"]