it’s been almost a year and a half since i began writing morning pages,
one of julia cameron’s suggested exercises in the artist’s way.
except for a two-week absence several months ago,
i have written in my moleskin journals every day.
(though not always in the morning.)
and, from time to time, i reread my words.
i study them.
attempting to glean insight and understanding.
searching for introspective clues and patterns to my life.
mostly i’m struck by what i call RIFTs.
Random Ideas/Feelings/Thoughts.
that speak to me, that remind me, that move me.
that connect to a bigger picture and to each other.
the other day i decided to write some of these RIFTs down.
expressions or concepts that jumped off the page at me.
particular phrases and sentences that stood out.
separate pieces from different sections of my morning pages.
telling a story about a cohesive whole.
a life fully lived.
eleventh hour illumination.
i’d like to share my recently chosen RIFTs with you.
(especially delightful for those who love lists like me!)
perhaps these slivers of existence will give you pause to think.
at the very least, as a fellow human being, they will probably sound familiar.
- i believe physical and emotional setbacks feed off of each other.
- writing satisfies my need for closure.
- enjoy. relax. breathe. enjoy. relax. breathe.
- i must struggle on against the tide.
- lots of thoughts/emotions/judgments coming up.
- DARK. in car by self. have already invented rescue plan.
- anxiety settling in. that’s how i feel. shaky and at odds with myself and the world.
- i got a lot done, but still have mountains to move.
- scary, unsettling day.
- go go go. tend to feel rushed.
- a very necessary debriefing has to take place first. a chance to unwind, get used to being alone with my thoughts. unseen unknown pressure nagging at my soul.
- amazing how different people’s perspectives are, how everyone comes at it from a different place.
- i just had this “all is right with the world” feeling come over me. (move through me really.)
- overwhelming sense of urgency today.
- i need to make a scary decision . . . saying yes means not continuing to hide inside my comfort zone.
- touching lives. women looking for answers.
- scary, stressful, exciting, audacious. but moving forward. the most important thing of all.
- “restless discontent, solitary turning inward.” (maud casey)
- here are all of my fears of the day . . . in black and white, ink on paper. trying to dispel them (or at least lessen them).
- lusciously alone with myself, my thoughts, my ideas. comfortable with my own company.
- couldn’t make myself heard. didn’t leave me feeling settled inside.
- “delicious ambiguity.” (gilda radner)
- deep breath out. EXHALE.
- such exquisite work. so very honored to have seen/tasted a glimpse of it.
- just decided. with a feeling of finality.
- it felt so perfect and the future seemed so bright. the experience proved to be anything but.
- some of this silliness, this crazy love for life, this vivaciousness sinks in, makes things whole, helps when life gets too serious or sad to bear.
- that felt good to write, to assimilate all of these feelings i carry around with me and brood over.
- a planned perspective. to see/to track/to do/to progress/to motivate.
- “tempest in a teacup”: a disturbance or uproar about little or nothing.
- nothing else to say. drank lots of coffee.
two synonyms for rift are interval and opening.
“a space between things, points, limits.”
“an unobstructed or unoccupied space or place.”
i think this awareness of the “space between” is rather zen-like.
we are always attempting to fill the spaces, to cover them up.
we don’t like to leave openings, we resist new ways of thinking and being.
because emptiness can be lonely, voids can be uncomfortable.
have you been trying to fill your empty space?
listen to what you’re telling yourself in between.
you may just find enlightenment.
**************
updates:
~sadly, my husband’s grandmother (when things go wrong) passed away on may 27. she will be greatly missed.
~please check out my original poem: snippets of courage.
~and finally i invite you to view the thoughtful and insightful blog comments i’ve been receiving. i appreciate them so much, as they add both depth and breadth to each topic explored,
continuing the conversation.
I love writing morning pages. This is great April. Mine also look like random thoughts and ideas (and dreams).
oh, i’m so glad you mentioned DREAMS, cheryl! yes, my dreams are also an integral part of my morning pages. 🙂
I haven’t tried to do morning pages before.
I think you might have inspired me now April.
i find them fascinating, clare. my morning pages bring inspiration and clarity and solace and insight. let me know how it goes if/when you begin!
This is a new process or concept to me – very intriguing! I think your last paragraph is particularly powerful…about the attempt to fill or cover space in an attempt to cover up openings. I’m guessing this process allows you to open up into the void and really feel emotions (good and bad) on a much deeper level! Thanks for sharing another tool to add to my toolbox!
absolutely, stacey! my morning pages have allowed me to excavate and process in a place that feels safe. eye-opening really. you simply must try this exercise (and share your impressions when you do).
I love how you pulled out snippets of your morning conversations/journaling time and sought out the patterns. I find myself fascinated by that as an introvert.
There’s something about seeing the big picture over time that illuminates so much for me.
I’ve just restarted journaling this month as I’m in the midst of a major life change that has rocked my world. By taking time to slow down, look back, and reflect, I’m finding myself again and finding healing.
Love what you said about writing your thoughts down giving you closure. So many well-said quotes throughout your snippets. So glad you shared them with us.
i agree, lois – illuminating. i am constantly trying to analyze the patterns in my life (and encouraging my clients to do the same). my morning pages are a source of much insight in making those connections. hope you are beginning to feel more peacefully grounded after your life event.
It is always an honor to read your blog. There’s so many nuggets of wisdom. I may just have to hang out hear more often. I’ve signed up for your newsletter.
I do morning pages as well. And just like you, it satisfies my need for closure. Much of what you have written is a reflection of my own RIFTs. At least I don’t feel so alone now. Thank you for this, April.
what a beautiful sentiment, sofia. (and thank you for joining in on my weekly studio notes!) i love talking to others about their own experiences with morning pages – thanks for sharing your insights.
Thank you for sharing this April. I appreciate the honesty and the full picture that we get reading through these thoughts. I don’t journal currently, but you have inspired me to start again. Being ok with wherever we are is so important and I see this as another way of supporting ourselves.
“being ok with wherever we are is so important.” yes, yes, yes, lorna. (and i’m pleased to hear that i have inspired you to begin journaling once again!)
I, too, love to look back on what I’ve written in years past. The words change but the themes remain very much the same. I always enjoy reading your words, April. Thank you. Here’s to more spaciousness in our lives.
thank you, sue ann. and i find the same to be true – themes that are reflections of our core, our essence, follow us through our lives.
Thank you for sharing your “slivers of existence”. It has been a while since I wrote daily. I did the 750 word a day challenge. It is amazing what comes out when you just start writing. I created a lot of content. More important to me was the clarity it brought. Thank you!
both content and clarity. precisely, cathy.
Oh, I love your RIFTs and the idea of them! Reading through them felt the inside of my own head quite often. And then it felt kind of quiet and yes, spacious.
I think I may have to try this.
Thank you, April:) Your writing feels just so simple and beautiful whenever I am here.
xo
thanks for your graciousness, susan. and i appreciate that you thought my RIFTs felt like the inside of your own head! 🙂
Condolences for your grandmother, I am sorry for your loss.
Morning Pages help keep me more centered. I recently took an Artist’s Way workshop with Julia Cameron and her absolute insistence on creating this ritual was forefront. The pages offer the gift of showing us what’s going on. Love your RIFT and thank you for sharing that. So amazing, right?
thanks, susie – our world has shifted a bit without her presence.
i experienced great envy when i saw you pictured with julia cameron – what a marvelous experience that must have been! and, yes. the morning pages practice has been utterly amazing.
Beautiful – I love emptying – which is what morning pages does as well – everywhere there is stuff to fill us up – – when do we empty? and yes, when we see all that we write it is a great opportunity to see patterns – well done – love to you and your family with the passing of a family grandmother xxx
emptying. a necessary, but often neglected, act that is enabled by morning pages. thank you, deb, for this wisdom (and your love).
Beautiful… So true how much emotional gunk we carry within u s every day that subconsciously drives our daily actions.. i also love putting my thoughts on paper.. and sometimes when i look back at what i may have written months ago – i have to ask myself did i really write this! 🙂 Our written thoughts are very illuminating indeed .. Thank you for your RIFTs..
isn’t it incredible how enlightening and powerful our words can be, roxy? (i always enjoy hearing from a fellow journaler!)
Sending love to you and your family during this difficult time. xo
I loved reading your RIFTs. They gave me a glimpse into your soul. They also made me feel less “alone” for thinking the darker thoughts that surface from time to time.
I do something similar where I a phrase or an idea captivates me and I transfer to a post-it note before I forget. I then wind up with post-it notes EVERYWHERE! Later I transfer them to Evernote.
But my favorite one of yours today is “Nothing else to say. Drank lots of coffee.” hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! So funny and SO TRUE on some days. 😀
i appreciate the love, michelle. yes, the darker thoughts do surface – but i immediately feel lightened when they are released onto the paper. LOVE your post-it notes confession, for i too am a post-it note fiend! 🙂 (as well as a coffee addict.)
Sending love to you and your family and your dear Grandmother. xo
I actually don’t do morning pages on paper, but when I have time to lie there, I do them in bed in my mind and always… find something beautiful arrives when I give it space! And when I act on it… that can be a miracle happening.
I always love to read your words April, so beautiful and insightful and opening. Thank you for sharing your journey… and btw… eleventh hour illumination… love that… Great title for a book 😉 nudge nudge. Would love to read your words as I settle into sleep at night, or in the afternoon while bathing in the sun 🙂
oh, elizabeth – your lovely words have inspired me so! thanks for the nudge (since writing a book is always always always on my mind).
April sending peace and love to your family ♥. I love your RIFTS..you inspired me to pull my Artists Way off the bookshelf..Thanks! sister I will revisit.
hooray for digging back into the deliciousness of “the artist’s way,” dana! 🙂 (and thanks for the love.)
Hello April,
Love your random thoughts! Those are always the best, aren’t they. And I can most definitively relate to the idea of feeling closure after just dumping all of my thoughts on paper.
I had my roommate looking for something for me in my room once when I was out of town… and because she went through a lot of my things to find this lost item her comment was “you WRITE a LOT!”
this cracked me up, victoria! 🙂 and i can totally relate – there is always someone commenting on how MUCH i write.