we’ve all heard about it, read about it, perhaps even discussed it.
maybe a few of you have actually tried it.
POSITIVE SELF TALK.
replacing those negative, self-defeating thoughts and beliefs.
with realistic, appropriate phrases.
shifting the focus.
rewriting the script.
but does it work?
can it work?
has it worked for you?
i have a cognitive-behavioral counseling background.
and therefore i tend to place situations into this context:
your THOUGHTS > your FEELINGS > your BEHAVIOR > your RESULTS.
a self-perpetuating cycle.
when your thoughts are irrational or distorted or exaggerated,
there can be an escalation of negative feelings.
and your behavior may end up being extreme, with destructive results.
so thoughts are pretty important.
they determine how you will feel and how you will behave.
seems clear that in order to get good results, you probably don’t want to linger amid bad thoughts.
here are some examples of faulty thinking you may recognize:
- filtered: focusing only on the negative, ignoring the positive
- polarized: rigid, with no in-between gray areas (black/white, good/bad, always/never)
- absolutist: “I must do this” or “I should feel a certain way”
- catastrophic: exaggerated, out of proportion, unrealistic
naysayers of thought reframing ask “how can we believe something that isn’t necessarily true?”
i’m not suggesting we spend every day all day playing pollyanna’s “glad game.”
(although a few rounds may be fun!)
but why not try starting with this question itself?
instead of immediately concluding “this will never work”, you might say to yourself “i’ll give it a shot.”
be curious, gentle, and accepting.
rather than judgmental, shameful, and guilt-ridden.
use self awareness as a tool to identify and examine a thought.
and then challenge it.
“why do i think that?”
“where did that belief come from?”
“does that cognition line up with who i am, with what i want to accomplish in my life?”
attempt to rephrase the thought if it doesn’t fit or isn’t accurate.
reprogram your mind to focus on thinking that will benefit you, rather than tear you down.
this is an opportunity for learning, a chance to change your internal monologue.
it can and will work, if you believe you deserve the resulting positivity.
as humans, we possess higher order thinking skills.
why not utilize that privilege and enjoy thinking our thoughts?
premium thoughts keep our bodies and minds moving forward.
so interrupt the critic inside of you and eliminate that self doubt.
don’t let your own thinking belittle you.
don’t let it assault your essence, your core.
in closing, i’d like to introduce you to jessica.
(i asked for permission from her dad to share this video with you, and was thrilled to receive it.)
because i consider jessica to be something of an authority on positive affirmations.
look to her for authentic guidance the next time that negative tape is playing in your head.
CHALLENGE:
- pay attention to all of the negative things you say to yourself over the course of one day.
- write them down.
- then ask yourself the following questions regarding each belief:
- where did that thought come from? has it been present since childhood?
- is the thought relevant or logical? does it make sense in my life?
- did the thought contribute to bad feelings and poor behavior?
- how can i replace it with a more realistic and helpful thought?
please share your own experiences with the power of self talk.
Jessica is AWESOME! I have tried this and it works wonders, once you get over feeling a bit foolish at first. I love it.
love hearing that it worked for you, trinidad! i know it can feel a bit artificial at first, but it is oh-so-powerful.
Just LOVE Jessica’s affirmations! I watch it whenever I need a pick me up or reminder. Thanks for posting!
thanks, gina. i think everyone that’s seen jessica has loved her. she’s so genuine and inspiring.
Thank you, April. This post was just what I needed.
so happy to hear this, amy. thanks for letting me know.
LOVE! Love, love, love this. “Where did that come from?” is something I easily say to my daughter but I need to remember to say it to myself!
thank you so much, terri. yes, it is definitely easier to catch those negative phrases when we hear others saying them. it takes serious introspection to correct that faulty thinking in ourselves.
Oh I love Jessica!
I play a fun game with my clients where we name our ego voice and our intuitive voice, and then we begin to notice (with compassionate curiosity) exactly what our ego voice tells us each day. With time of course we also begin to notice what our intuitive voice is saying, and it doesn’t take long to strengthen it when we simply begin paying attention to it!
isn’t jessica the best? fabulous game, sabrina – thanks so much for sharing it!
I love Jessica! I’ve never tried singing about how awesome my life is in front of the mirror, but hmmmmm….nobody is home right now 🙂 .
Positive self talk really is so very important. We are vastly complicated people with vastly complicated lives, and we could never process all that information at once. We must filter. So if you’re constantly focusing on the negative, the positive gets lost. If we focus on the positive, that’s what we’ll see!
so . . . did you go try it, angie? 🙂 great observation – filter out the negative and focus on the positive!
Love this! Especially Jessica. What an inspiring young girl. Love your fresh approach to looking at things with new perspectives. Thank you for sharing.
thank you for your thoughtful comment, reena!
Love this! I am working on self-love and letting go of my ego right now so this is perfect. It s so good to challenge our thoughts/beliefs up until now to see if they are based on fact or emotion!
yes, sue – the emotion really gets in the way sometimes. it is so important to take a good look at what we tell ourselves on a daily basis and determine if it is accurate. congratulations to you for working on self-love!
a perfect reframe for all of the negative chatter! and I love Jessica!~
thanks, claire!
FANTASTIC! Such powerful stuff. Jessica is a rock star. xoxo
jessica is truly inspiring, isn’t she? 🙂
I love this post and the video with Jessica is awesome! There isn’t enough emphasis placed on positive self talk with children and the impact it can have in to our adult life.
When I was a new parent (many moons ago) the best bit of advice I ever received was “if your child is doing something exciting and a bit dangerous, like walking on a wall or climbing something, do not say ‘be careful you will fall’ because as sure as eggs are eggs the child will fall”.
This advice has stuck with me all these years because it is such a pure example of the effect of words.
So, when my son was climbing and running etc I would laugh and say “woohooo well done, aren’t you clever” (even though I was freaking out lol. The result, he never fell off a wall on my watch 🙂
Start young, encourage your children to feel positive about themselves and the world around them.
what a wise piece of advice for a new parent! and thanks for pointing out, jane, how vital positive self talk is with young children. imagine the difference that could make in so many lives!