when it’s all been said before

what is there to say,
when it’s all been said before?

maybe just that i am here,
in a new place, learning to navigate.
but dealing with similar struggles,
and with similar joys to celebrate.

we’re all different, it is true,
with our unique habits and notions.
yet, in the oldest cliche, alike,
experiencing the same emotions.

sometimes not sure how to respond,
other times knowing what comes next.
leaving us happy and content one moment,
at others sad, apologetic, vexed.

we all want and we all love,
we all stand out, we all diminish.
we all sacrifice, we all despise,
we all start and we all finish.

so what am i trying to say,
when it’s all been said before?

just that here i am, hobbling along,
my eyes forever on my aim.
encountering pain, elation, sorrow, bliss.
beside you, likewise, and the same.

downcast day
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just plain tough

this is a difficult post to write. it’s always hard admitting to moments of raw weakness.

my recent trip to the states brought a lot of things to light, including things i perhaps wasn’t ready or willing to bring out of the darkness.

my last kisses

i grew up in kellogg, idaho, a small mining town in the northern panhandle of the state. i moved away when i was 18 years old, visiting now and then over the next many years. in the spring of 2013, i moved back to my hometown until my relocation to italy last october.

my perfect zone

my shadow

decisions, decisions.
we are always making decisions.

i am struck by a particular dichotomy at the moment.

convenience and familiarity,
accompanied by that passive stagnation i so consciously avoid.

vs. frustration and bewilderment,
which often creates that dynamic growth i crave.

perceptions of reentry

our expectations are not always our reality, are they? after only 10 months away, i wasn’t expecting to experience much difference upon reentry. but many factors have been at play in the past few days, combining to create a strangeness i can’t really define as anything other than reverse culture shock:

  • missed flights and jet lag
  • new friends, gained through airport hassles
  • one night in london, a whirlwind tour
  • “collateral beauty,” a film that received no accolades but touched me deeply
  • my dad’s prepared gift from italy, two vacuum-packed salamis, confiscated by u.s.

you can do it.

have you ever wanted to do something
that you knew would help you, guide you,
give you the push you so desperately needed . . .

but you just felt too afraid,
you felt as if your excuses
made more sense than your dreams?

Why You Should Come to Italy

It is time once again for THE ARRIVAL. I am formally inviting you, the woman with the intrepid soul, to join me in Tuscany this October. And I sincerely hope you will accept my invitation.

Why? Because I want you to stop imagining your best life, and begin living it instead.

a different person. (part 2)

last week i wrote these words:

yes, i am reawakening parts of myself formerly dormant or untouched.
but i’ve also had to temporarily shut down a few parts i still need,
out of necessity during this complete upheaval.
the rest of the year will be dedicated to reviving those areas.

a different person. (part 1)

how does one even begin to process a realized dream?
a dream many years in the making?
a dream many revisions later?

the consummation of my grand scheme all coming together.
played out in an enchanting 100-year-old villa, in a northern italian village,
against a backdrop of majestic mountains and a magnolia tree.

oh my goodness, what goodness!

what can i even say?

although i didn’t find the time to jot down all of the daily details,
last month was overflowing with a mixture of wonder, light, and love.

oh my goodness, what goodness!

i wrote these still-true words last year, on june 1, 2016:

life is always surprising us, with that unusual mixture of heartache and joy.